My toddler throws TANTRUMS

Lately I've been encountering temperaments from Lyna.

She's throwing her crayons on the ground right after she colored, so to speak, an entire book

She tips her water cup on her food and on the ground after she has slowed down eating

She is beginning to throw the rocks outside
She sporadically screams at the top of her lungs
A new things she's beginning to do is put things in her mouth, meaning biting.     

When she is screaming she hits and scratches

So what do I possibly do?

Well to help the situation out, I have gathered some information that will help you out to understand your toddler.
Starting at about 18 months, toddlers are learning that they are separate from their parents, and are eager to act as independently as they can.  But they have limited self-control and have not yet learned to wait, share, and take turns.  And while they are learning more words everyday, they still rely heavily on their actions to communicate.  When they are angry, frustrated, tired, or overwhelmed, they may hit, push, slap, grab, kick, or bite to tell you, "IM MAD!" or "IM EXHAUSTED!" or "IM OVER MY LIMIT AND NEED A BREAK!"  
Coping with Aggression and Teaching Self-Control in the Early Years.  Zero to Three 2009.  http://www.zerotothree.org/child-development/challenging-behavior/coping-with-aggression-one-page-handout.pdf

Stay Calm

Staying calm is easier said then done, especially when you are dealing with screaming, feisty, mad, aggressive child.

Sometimes in order for me to be calm, i need to walk away from Lyna, at whatever means--meaning whether she is screaming, banging her head, jumping up and down, and so on.  I place in her in our room [a safe area], I close the door, and take a moment for myself to gather my thoughts, calm down, and remember that I love Lyna.

Often times, I notice that Lyna is so frustrated, and I do not want to give into her tantrum ways, but sometimes just picking her up, placing her hands on my heart, or vice versa, I calmly talk to her and tell her "my heart is beating so fast because I'm worried about you."  I would continue to talk to her calmly about the situation that happened, and by talking to her about what had happened, gives me peace of mind that even though I gave into her tantrum we were able to talk through it, instead of brush it off and reward her for the behavior she expressed.

**Remember that your child feeds off of your energy, so when you are angry she is angry, when you are excited he is excited, when you are yelling he is yelling, when you are calm she is calm.  

Your child doesn't mean to make you angry, 

in fact your child wants to please you.  

"toddlers essentially live on attention from others, 

especially others who are important to them," (Gonzalez, p.37)        

Recognize your child's feelings

As I mentioned in other blog posts, recognizing your child's feeling, and helping your child to label their feeling is crucial.  Yes, your child is learning so many words, and developing so many aspects of their body and mind, so labeling your child's feelings and emotions will help your child distinguish what feeling is what, and what they should do when they begin to have that feeling.

**Refer to previous blogs for more information

Use gestures along with words

I know that when I am in a situation with my child, her voice is totally above of mine, she's screaming and kicking, and pushing, and shoving during her tantrum that listening to the words I am saying may not be in her interest, or her tantrum may block her listening view.

So using gestures is helpful, so that they can see what you are trying to tell them.

Children are capable of reading gestures, or at least understand that you are trying to tell them something through your motions.   

Using a softer voice is useful so that your child would soften their voice in order to hear what is being said.  

Sugest ways to manage emotions

With Lyna girl I suggest to her a breathing technique because sometimes when she cries I notice that she doesn't catch a breath between bursts of screaming.

I pretend I am holding a bouquet of flowers

and I tell her to smell the flowers 

I pretend with her as well to smell the flowers

  Then I change the flowers into a candle

I stick one or two fingers up and 

I ask her to blow the candle out

Sometimes I sing a line of Happy Birthday

Since she associates candles with the Birthday song. 

Often times I pretend with Lyna that there is a ball in her body

I tell her do you see the ball

I start from her toes

It's by your toes, its going up

I name all of her body parts as the ball is going up

Its going over your ankle, up past your calves

I will touch each body part pretending that there is a ball that I am chasing

The ball is up by your ear now

I go all the way up to her hair, or to which ever point your child persists 

Sometimes instead of a ball, I pretend with Lyna to build a bubble

I begin with pretending that I have soap in my hands

I will take a deep breath in and blow the soap to make a bubble

I will tell Lyna, do you see my bubble, watch it grow

I take another breath in and I blow on my bubble

I tell Lyna, look how big the bubble is now

Doing this I encourage her to follow what I am doing

When she begins to calm her self down, 

I would stop the blowing of the bubble and 

I would show Lyna how huge the bubble is.  

Like a mime, I would outline the huge bubble around me.

Sometimes the bubble gets so big that it covered my entire body. 

Help your child take a break

Sometimes Lyna just needs a break, and sometimes I just need a minute away from Lyna.  I put Lyna in our room, a safe quiet place, for Lyna to cry and compose herself.
Each time she comes out of the room to look for me, I ask her "Are you ready to be with me?"  She would answer yes, and I would pick her up and I would acknowledge her willingness to collect herself by saying "Thank you for being ready."

Sometimes when she is looking for me she is still whimpering or crying, which is okay, but I tell her "If you're ready to be with me please soften your crying because its too loud for my ears."    



Hopefully you can find this information helpful when dealing with your toddler's tantrum, just remember that at this age it is NORMAL.  

By Jadelynn Davis 

May 3, 2014